dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
