halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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