Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He better not be in your backpack
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
