I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
