Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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