i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
