ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
