I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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