ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
