Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
