Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
