may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
false alarm, still single
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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