Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
