He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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