Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've blown a few things in my day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
