I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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