Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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