imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
