mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize