she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
