i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
