Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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