stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
