So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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