Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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