Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
