Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Panties = found
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
