I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
