Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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