i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize