Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
