I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
