Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
