Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
