After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
