is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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