Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
