So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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