pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
