i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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