His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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