She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
