Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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