If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
