someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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