ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
