Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
