ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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