Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
