She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
