I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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