My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
