her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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