I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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