I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pants are for mortals
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