her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
