I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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