Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
