Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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