I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
