Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
