I think im going to throw up on grandma
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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