I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
