where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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