we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
