At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
