Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
