he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Michael Bay diarrhea
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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