it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
