first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
