All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
