I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
