3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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