OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize